My purpose in writing this blog is to offer myself to your event as a speaker. Contact me through Facebook or through www.digdeepinoneplace.com and I can send a copy of my talk at WACYPAA 2014.
INVITE ME TO “BE THE GIFT”
In October 2011 my husband Bill and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with a renewal of our marriage vows and a lovely party in our spruced up Studio helped by our incredible friends. The path in front of us looked so clear—our next steps seemed destined. We saw ourselves growing old together to become that impossibly old couple sitting on the porch holding hands, seeing each other with eyes that remembered the way we used to look when we first met so long ago in 1965. Our health was still good, we looked great. Bill was probably more handsome than he had ever been—at the height of his powers, intellectually as well as artistically. He was 64. I was 66—we never felt better emotionally, spiritually and artistically.
We were looking forward to being invited to present our understanding of the 12 Steps, 12 Traditions and 12 Concepts for World Service and the path to freedom they contain with the story of our relationship both before and after the miracle of recovery. Our paramount intention was to help others find a solution to the spiritual disease of fear that afflicts every human being to some degree. The alcoholic is the extreme example but there are many more manifestations, all of which can be helped with the practice of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps.
Then everything changed—as Bill was finishing a large wood sculpture in January and February, 2012, he began to lose his vision. At first we thought it was a floater that would dissipate on its own. Then his peripheral vision began to diminish and by the end of February, he was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. Our focus turned to healing the cancer. The rest of 2012 was filled with radiation and chemo treatments but we did manage a few speaking engagements. Then in 2013 the cancer returned and Bill died August 9th.
Our belief in the power of the spiritual principles contained in the 12 Steps never wavered. Through all the sometimes painful and uncomfortable treatments, he never stopped helping others, never stopped going to 12 Step Fellowship meetings and never stopped sharing his and our experience. We were invited to speak in several places but his strength was tenuous and we had to take great care.
Since I never thought Bill could actually die, denial equaled hope for me during those difficult days just before he passed. Today I have moved into a kind of acceptance that is changing every day. Starting the day after he transitioned, I went to my early morning meeting so I could stay connected to the people and spiritual principles that had sustained me and him for 21 years of sobriety and recovery. I was asked to tell my story at the Jackson Hole meeting in September and then in January 2013 I was privileged to be asked to be the Sunday morning speaker at WACYPAA which was held in Denver at the Sheraton Hotel.
My connection with Bill is intensified and strengthened when I am asked to speak at any event or meeting. He was so enthusiastic about sobriety, recovery and the 12 Steps. I feel that I am privileged to be able to continue his and my legacy of recovery and understanding of the spiritual principles. We met in 1965 and maintained a relationship that went through many transitions drunk and sober. Our stories are totally intertwined; we truly dug deep in one place. Even today I am still exploring our relationship by continuing to create art in our studio, by participating in my 12 Step fellowship, by sponsoring others through the 12 Steps, by writing my experience and by telling our story whenever and wherever I am invited. The 12 Steps continue to sustain and uphold me as I face this new world without Bill.