Bill & Sandy Fifield Artist - Authors - Speakers

PREPARATION FOR HEALING–BRAZIL

Tuesday, our second day in Abadiania, we made it through the night alive.  The first thing on the agenda is that I go to the blessed waterfall with Kelsie.  It’s early in the morning and the thought of even a quick dip in a cold running stream doesn’t really sound all that appealing, never the less it couldn’t be any worse than the cold shower I took earlier.  So, OK, I’m in!

Bill can’t go with us because Kelsie doesn’t have permission from the Entities of Light for him yet; we would all have to go together—Kelsie, Bill, and me—to help him with the steep path in and out and the rocks at the falls as well.  We will ask for permission next week.

Ready for the Waterfall

Ready for the Waterfall

We walk to the Casa and hire a taxi to drive us down the dirt road to a turnaround where he will wait for us to transport us back up to the Casa; it’s a good thing because it’s at least a mile back up the steep road.   A cement paved path with heavy wire handrails on both sides has now appeared leading further down the valley, there is a large, peeling sign in several languages stating the protocol for the waterfall. It asks for silence, respect, and a meditative attitude while visiting the waterfall.   We walk down after a silent prayer to the Entities for serenity and healing.   We arrive at a cement bench where there is a woman waiting for more women to continue on to the falls.  It is against protocol to proceed alone.   The gate across the path is closed indicating there are people already ahead of us.   Men and women usually go separately but there are exceptions made by the Entities which is what we are hoping for so we can accompany Bill to the blessed waterfall next week.  Bill really wants to be able to experience everything that he possibly can while we are in Brazil. Read More

“Love Boat”

As I sit here on the “Love Boat” holding Sandy’s hand on my last day of chemo, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and compassion.  Everyone here is hurting or dying and most are scared to death.  To be in a position to reach out, to be an example of the positive, to touch them, to listen to their stories is a gift that has to be experienced. Since we are in the same “boat” approaching them is easy.   I give them each a card with the magic words and they light up.  It’s a feeling of a joyful planting, knowing that only good can come from a positive act, no matter how small.

It has taken twenty years to get here.  From the absolute nadir of despair to a life of happy, joyous freedom at first has to take a lot of effort.  The habit of a lifetime took some doing to turn to a different direction. Automatic negative thinking and a curious twist of the mind made being useful in any way almost impossible.   Everything seemed to be screwed and I thought I liked it like that.   I didn’t realize that just because my reaction was automatic doesn’t mean it wasn’t a decision.   I thought I was a victim of my circumstances; I didn’t know that I had a choice.  Being a victim keeps me from a life of true freedom; it prevented me from experiencing the wondrous rewards of performing a simple act of kindness.  To see people light up, to respond, and to see that spread across the room fills my heart with joy.

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“The Gift of Sponsorship”

“Love is seeing yourself in another without fear”

When my sponsor and I started into the 12 Steps, she gave me a carefully defined set of assignments.  I became extremely grateful for the set of guidelines she provided for me.  I needed definite directions because I was undisciplined and scattered.  My thought processes were vague and mushy.  Part of this problem was because I was withdrawing from an addiction I had indulged in for years and part came from the fact that I hadn’t focused on learning anything new for quite a while.  Not everyone needs this and there are many ways to sponsor a newcomer or even someone who has been around for a while, but I sure did.

When I asked her to be my sponsor, I requested that she teach me a way to pass this on to others.  I had become convinced that if I didn’t learn to pass this on, I would not be allowed to continue to come to the meetings.  Thank God, this is not true, but it was enough to force me into asking for help.   I then asked what I could do to pay her back for this and she told me that the only way I would be able to repay her was to make the effort to pass this on to at least one other person.  I agreed because I really needed her help to change my life and I had come to believe that the 12 Steps might just work for me.     Even though I had asked and had been told, I still did not realize the commitment she was making to me or the commitment I was making and how it would change my attitude and outlook on life.

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